At Autism Central, we often work with researchers to help us understand what works. Many parents say they’re worried about talking to their children about puberty – what can help them? 

We asked Dr Aimee Grant and Dr Harriet Axbey from Swansea University to share their thoughts based on their research on Autism and reproductive health across the life course, where they reviewed 81 published studies on autistic people and puberty. Here they review common worries parents might have and what helps.

Parents' common worries

• Many parents were unsure about how to talk to their child about sexuality. Some were worried about saying the wrong thing.
• Some parents of autistic girls were worried about their child being sexually exploited. This is of course a relevant concern, as a very high proportion of autistic women report sexual assault.
• Alongside this, some parents said they were worried about their child causing harm to others, for example by touching their genitals in public, or touching somebody without consent. However, reports of this happening were rare, and teaching consent in an appropriate way throughout childhood would further reduce the risk. 
• Other worries were about children who smelled due to body changes and limited showering or bathing. 
• Dressing and behaving in ways not typically associated with their biological sex was also reported as a worry by parents, particularly for those with children who were assigned female at birth (AFAB). However, we know there are high levels of gender diversity in autistic people – especially girls, so this type of dress and behaviour is to be expected.

Five tips for talking to your autistic child about puberty

It’s completely normal to feel a bit unsure about how to talk to any child about puberty. But these are our top tips for making it more comfortable for you, and your child.

1. Find resources that can help you

There are a range of materials available, that you might find useful to look at without your child until you feel comfortable for them to ask questions:

• Amaze’s guides and videos for parents, including those for young children.
• Outspoken Sex Ed information for parents, including on topics like consent, sexuality and porn
• Brook’s puberty content is aimed at children, but is quite text heavy, so might be better suited to parents
• NHS guide on early or late puberty

You may also want to find resources that you can show to your child. 

Free resources:

• the NSPCC’s easy read guides for people with learning disabilities
• Amaze’s (upbeat) animated videos including those aimed at children aged 4-9

Books:

• Consent for kids is a short cartoon style book for children about bodily autonomy and consent.
• The autism friendly guide to periods is a short hardback book with lots of useful information and pictures (including what periods look like).
• The breast book is a book about breast development, it is best suited for advanced readers who like to have lots of information.

2. Start early, before puberty begins

In our ongoing research, one autistic teenager noted that they didn’t know anything about puberty at all and then got told everything on a single day at school. This – of course – felt completely shocking and overwhelming.

An approach of “little and often” may be a more comfortable way to share information, and it’s never too early to start mentioning changes that will happen. It is also good to keep topics separate; our review found if some topics are taught at the same time (e.g. erection and menstruation), autistic children may become confused (and think their penis will start to bleed). 

Your child may ask you lots of questions, and it’s best to answer these in an age-appropriate way. If you don’t know the answer, it’s always OK to say, “I’m not sure, but I’ll find out” and tell them another day.

3. Use clear and direct language

You’ve likely already heard this, but clear language, without euphemisms, can be important for autistic people’s understanding. 

As puberty can be a huge change to anybody, it is even more important to be very clear in your language. The NSPCC guides linked above are clear and direct. 

Also, using correct terms like breasts, penis, testicles, vulva, and vagina help children to be more open and confident in talking about their bodies.

4. Focusing on consent keeps everybody safe

One of the main concerns from research with parents of autistic children is around sexual assault – either as a victim or a culprit. This is a very real concern, and the best way to keep everybody safe is to ensure everybody understands consent. 

Parents can model consent on a daily basis with asking questions, e.g. “Would you like a hug?”, and respecting the child’s autonomy if they say “no”. 

Consent also needs to be taught and modelled with the child as the instigator of the behaviour. It is important for them to get used to asking for permission before touching, and that’s also something you can practise at home, including with the parent saying “no” or “not now”, so the child comes to understand that a request does not always lead to a “yes”.

5. When it comes to periods, ongoing support may be needed

We previously reviewed the research on periods and autism. One of the biggest things we found was that parents often had a goal that their child should be able to independently manage their period. But the autistic people didn’t always share this goal, and were happy to have some help. We also found that there was disconnect between what parents and autistic people said about pain, discomfort and the activities they’d prefer to do. 

You know your child the best, and the things they find difficult, but somethings that might be helpful could be:

• Reminders or help to restock their bag with period products
• Keeping track of their cycle together to help them better understand their feelings and symptoms
• Reminders to change their period product (pad, tampon, etc.)
• Being aware of signs that they may be uncomfortable, and offering comfort items, like big pillows, large soft toys, hot water bottles (make sure they are using it safely to avoid burns), and pain relief
• Asking if they still want to take part in usual activities and socialising, or if they’d rather spend time relaxing at home.

You can also directly ask them: “Is there anything that would make periods easier for you?”

We hope these tips are helpful, and make talking about puberty feel less daunting. 

Watch Dr Aimee Grant's video on Talking about puberty to your child